Well, I did it. I went. I think it went okay. It wasn’t overly emotional, but there were a few tears.

I handed her 8 pages of my journal- my admitting stuff about my marriage, nothing graphic- nothing detailed, but just general admittances. I feel abused, I feel used, whatever…

She wants me to keep journaling. She asked me to abstain from alcohol and self injury, but told me to call if I had a really hard day.

We touched on lots of subjects- the different kinds of abuse I went through, the time periods, my seizures, my previous counseling, my marriage, etc.

She answered all my questions and I feel comfortable enough to meet her again next week and have given her those pages from my journal.

I don’t really feel anything right now… It’s the numbness taking over again, but I feel like in a few days I might be able to listen to what I shared. Right now. I’m just glad to have one appointment behind me and another one scheduled.

I did feel very very anxious the whole time, but she was gentle and made sure I was “okay” before I left the office.