Category: Introductions & Explanations

1) I confess, that while I hope to offer a wealth of resources for those struggling, that I am still in the throes of my own struggles for my own well-being. I am not claiming to have all the answers or have conquered this battle. My aim here is to let others know they are not alone and to offer whatever support I can as a means of giving back to those who have given to me.

2) I confess that I struggle with self-injury, eating disorder tendencies, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder with agoraphobia, and post traumatic stress disorder.

3) I confess that I need help for myself; I cannot win this battle alone, and that I will continue to reach out and seek treatment for myself while offering encouragement and hope for others as I am able to do so.

4) I confess that I compile resources offline, and do research to ensure the quality of said resources, but that I cannot possibly use them all. I have indicated the ones I have used and found helpful.

5) I confess that I am a survivor in the process of healing; it is not an overnight event, a yearlong episode, or a decade milestone; it is a process of continuing to move forward above and beyond the shame of my past and the effects of the present.


So who am I? What’s my story? I’m not entirely sure yet, but I’ll share what I know.

I am an adult survivor of child abuse- physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual. My life felt more like a nightmare. At the age of twelve, I attempted to cry out and let people know my pain, by attempting to take myself out of this world.

Consequently, I spent time in a mental hospital and upon release was put into foster care. My foster care experience was actually a good one, though I know many aren’t, but I was never fully able to deal with or remember my past. I tried therapy while in foster care, but the therapist seemed to quickly ostracize me and after a few months “graduated” me from the program, with no healing or progress on my end.

I later went to college on a full-scholarship, and my past came back to do some more damage to my life. I lost my scholarship and dropped out, ran away from my foster parents, and skipped the state. I moved in with my now husband in an attempt to find myself and find acceptance.

Now I’m a married mother with two precious children, but I don’t live the American dream- far from it. My past is even more destructive now than it was growing up. Memories are being unlocked, self-destructive mechanisms are rearing their ugly heads, and my marriage is breaking under the strain- and we have our own non-related issues as well.

I’m back in college at a crucial time in my life; it is my destraction therapy- something positive to look forward to each day. I’m working towards my Associates of Arts in English, and then have plans to transfer to the University and pursue my Bachelor of Arts in English, Education, or Creative Writing. Ultimately, I hope to earn a Masters of Fine Arts some day.

So, I have no shortage of personal goals, but I do have a shortage of personal resources, support team members, and coping mechanisms. Distraction seems to be the only way I can cope in an even remotely positive way at this point. I would like to pursue counseling but our financial situation seems to be a major hinderance to this most important step towards healing. For now, I am surviving the best way I know how, and some times those “best ways” aren’t any good at all.

Welcome to Shattering Soul: Stories From a Survivor. I hope visitors will see that they are not alone, and find hope in my often chaotic and frustrating struggle to overcome a lifetime of abuse and trauma. For survivors, our life doesn’t become wonderful when the abuse stops. In fact, for many of us our lives become more difficult. By sharing my own personal journey, resources I have found helpful, and opening up my blog for others to comment on their own experiences, I hope to offer a place where survivors can grasp that they are not alone in their struggle, and that people do care, even people around the globe. Best wishes on your journey ~SS

This is my personal blog, discussing the progression and regression of healing from a lifetime of abuse. Please proceed with caution. This blog may contain triggering material, and triggering posts will be labeled as such for the safety of my readers. I hope that you will feel free to share your own experiences and struggles on the journey. I offer my experiences so that other survivors will know they are not alone. Please be respectful of all posters. We all are trying to heal from a shattered past.