Tag Archive: anxiety


dearest little ss,

for so long now, i have avoided looking at you. your eyes, they are mine, the same steel blue. the same pain runs through them into my soul. your freckles, i have them too. those scars, look here. see, feel. they are there, we share the same heart and the same pain. the same memories run through our veins. we are one, you and i.

i am older; i grew up. i can protect you now. i’m sorry that i couldn’t then. i am with you. i can see you. i can feel you. i can hear you. i am listening. take my hand. hold onto me. i will help you out of the darkness. i will guide you, protect you, love you.

precious one, you are not undone. your life has only just begun. look to the stars, look to the sun. i am here, little one.

Advertisements

logic meets a daggered end
experience begins
taking over mind and space
filling every empty place

despair convulses silently
hope reborn from tragedy
a brushstroke, art created
life penned, death suffocated

journey beyond the dark abyss
search out peace and happiness
leave behind old fruitless ways
breathe and gloat in life, today

One of the weirdest things about being on antidepressants is that my mind is stilled. It’s quiet. Silent. Gone are the deep, dark thoughts. The broken hearted cries. Banished into the abyss, for now.

I feel numb. I don’t know what’s worse- the mental and emotional anguish I was living, or the numb void left in my mind. Do you know what it feels like to sit silent for a whole minute and not have an entire thought cross your mind? I do now, but I didn’t before today.

Day three on medication, and the whirling and turning, the creeping venom of unfiltered thoughts has ceased. It’s an odd phenomenon. I feel weird. I keep waiting for another virus to interrupt this quiet space in my head, this empty place. So far, none has come.

Even as I write this, my mind is still, only thinking of the words in front of me. No interruptions, no landslides, no tornadoes ripping me to shreds. Just silence. What is wrong with this picture? It’s going to take some getting used to. I don’t know if it will always feel this way, or if this is just a nice break from the usual chaos in my head, but it is alien.

Lexapro- Day 3

I heard this song on the radio today and wanted to share it because it really says so much about how I feel right now. I’m doing the best that I can.

So, the meds have some not so great side effects: nausea and stomach ache are the two I’ve noticed. I also have a sore throat, but that could be unrelated. One positive side effect is that I find my appetite has decreased. Perhaps this will be a blessing in disguise.

Like all antidepressants, it can take 4-6 weeks to notice any major changes towards better moods and decreased anxiety. Thus far I have not noticed a decrease in my creative ability or any adverse effects. I have noticed that my mind does not appear to wander as much. I am not having as many anxious thoughts. This is a welcome change. Only time will tell whether it works for helping me overcome my depressive moods.

Well, I know this is brief, but I’ll come back and update more later. Have a good day, and best wishes on your healing journey. -ss